Biblical Forgiveness

I know I haven't updated this blog in some time. I do have a least one more post that I want to add to the previous discussion, but just have not had time recently. However, two weeks ago I preached a message in my church called Biblical Forgiveness. There was such an overwhelming response to the message that I decided to put it here in print. I hope this will also find it helpful you as you read it and share it with others.

Biblical Forgiveness
Matt. 6:9-14

In 28 years of ministry, I have come to the conclusion that one of the most important elements in the Christian life, and one of the most misunderstood words in the Christian vocabulary is "forgiveness". Forgiveness is a critical doctrine.

It is critical to spiritual obedience.
It is critical to mental health.
It is critical to a harmonious marriage.
It is critical to maintaining unity in the church.

It is critical to experiencing the peace of God in all of life, because we are all presented with the occasion to forgive from time to time, and as we will see, failure to forgive carries with it, some serious consequences.

Genuine forgiveness is possible only within a Christian context. Why? Because only believers have a frame of reference from which to forgive. Only Christians have experienced genuine forgiveness.

Of course, the problem is, and the reason why I have to preach a message on forgiveness at least once a year, is that it is possible for Christians to act like unbelievers.

I Cor. 3:1-3 "Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly--mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?" Paul says when we quarrel we are acting like children and pagans.

Do believers always forgive? No! Why? Sometimes it's because they are just simply unwilling to. I’ve heard church members say, “I know the Bible says I’m supposed to forgive, but I’m not going to do it.”

Sometimes it is because they’ve not been taught and don’t understand what forgiveness is or that they have the resources to forgive. Some don’t understand that it is really possible for them to forgive.

So today I want us to discuss what the Bible teaches about forgiveness and what God's Word requires of us with regard to this important doctrine.

First of all, let me give you the first half of a biblical definition of forgiveness: Forgiveness is the offended restoring the relationship, as though the offense never occurred.

What is different about that kind of forgiveness and what is usually called forgiveness? The answer is that true forgiveness is not just putting a Band‑Aid on it, but making the relationship like new or even better than it was before.

Now before we go any further, we must first understand the Nature of forgiveness: and that is that FORGIVENESS IS AN ACT OF THE WILL.

Contrary to what is believed and taught by many, the Christian life is not all about emotion. It is instead, a series of choices or decisions. And it's only lived rightly if those decisions are made in obedience to the Word of God.

And forgiveness is not a suggestion or a wish. It's not just something Jesus hoped would happen among believers. Sometimes I hear people say, well I just can't forgive. Yes you can. How do I know? Because God commands us to forgive.

Col. 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another." That's a command and God doesn't command us to do something that we can't do. If we did not have it within our power to forgive, God would not command us to do it. But forgiveness is a choice. I make a conscious decision to forgive or not to forgive. It is an act of the will.

Now people don't like to hear that because it makes us responsible and we don't like to be responsible. We live in an age that has abandoned the idea of moral responsibility. But the Bible teaches that man is indeed a moral agent and that life is a series of choices that I must make and forgiveness is one of them.

So what does the Scripture say about our responsibility to forgive? A lot actually.

Five Biblical requirements for forgiveness. Write these down.

1. I must forgive whenever I am asked. Luke 17:3‑4. "So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."

If someone comes to you and asks you to forgive them, the Bible commands us to comply. We are required to forgive.

Now you might ask, "What if the other person asks to be forgiven but their repentance is insincere?" Well the answer to that is: We are not responsible for their motives or their obedience in this matter, only ours, and the Bible says that we are to forgive when asked. God didn’t appoint us as judges of their motivation.

When Brenda and I were first married, sometimes if she would ask me to forgive her for something, sometimes I would say, “No I won’t, because you don’t mean it. I was wrong. When we are asked to forgive, God commands us to do it.

2. I must forgive even when not asked. Mark 11:25. "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
There is no indication of repentance in this passage. Somehow we've gotten the idea that forgiveness works like this: "If you expect me to forgive you, you're going to have to beg".

We don't say that, (usually), but that’s how we think. This is probably one of my biggest problems with forgiveness. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back. I want to make them suffer.

Something that took me years to get over was that I used to be really bad about holding a grudge. My family used to tell me that all the time, and they were right.

I would withhold forgiveness because I wanted them to apologize, or ask for forgiveness. I wanted to make them feel as bad as I could. I wanted to make them beg.

Is that a godly attitude? No! The Scripture requires me to forgive even when I'm not asked.

Therefore, if I simply realize, or am convicted by the Holy Spirit, that there is something unforgiven in my heart, the Bible says, I must forgive. And so must you.

So here’s something you ought to do. Pray and ask God to reveal to you if there is anyone in your life that you have not forgiven. Now if you do that be ready, because He will...

3. I must forgive as many times as asked. Mt. 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Seventy times seven is 490. Did Jesus mean I should forgive 490 times, then not any more? NO! He meant an innumerable quantity.

Now this is the one that gets most people. "I'll forgive you once, maybe twice, but after that, forget it.” But the Bible says, we must keep on forgiving.

Now does this mean that if someone keeps on offending me over and over, that I must just keep on forgiving without ever saying anything about the repeated offense? NO!

Look again at Luke 17:3, "So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him."

Eph. 4:15 tells us that spiritual growth comes as we "speak the truth in love". (I’ll be preaching a message by that title soon.) The Bible says, if someone continues to sin against you, you may, and should, "rebuke them", "speak the truth in love", but then you are to forgive.

4. I must forgive as Christ forgives.
Eph. 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Now of what did Christ forgive you? Well Jesus illustrates that point in Matt. 18. Notice verses :23-27 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle them, there was brought to him one who owed him ten thousand talents. "But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. "The slave therefore falling down, prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will repay you everything.' "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.”

The text says that this servant owed his master “ten thousand talents.” Do you know how much that is? By today’s measures, it would be over 50 billion dollars. Now what was the point Jesus was trying to make? Well, that it was an unpayable debt.

You see our sin is an uncorrectable offence to a Holy God. And because of our sin we deserve an eternity separated from God in the fires of hell. We could never in a million years atone for our sin. We could never pay the price to gain forgiveness for our sin. It is an unpayable debt. And so God sent Jesus to pay the debt for us, to take the punishment that I should have had to bear, even though He himself was total innocent of and free from sin. And so God forgave us, and allowed us to go free and have fellowship with him, and gave us eternal life in heaven, even though we are guilty, just like that slave.

And God says, THAT’S HOW WE ARE TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE OFFENDED US! Unconditionally. What is it that’s so great you think you can’t forgive?

Col. 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Now this is when we are confronted with just how willing we are to obey this command to forgive. We must not only forgive but we must forgive following the pattern established by God. We are to forgive others how? As Christ forgave us.

How does He forgive?
A. Psm. 103:12. "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

He puts my sins as far as East is from West. How far is that?... He puts a lot of distance between Him and our sin. Most of us don't want to do that.

As a matter of fact we want to keep the offenses of others real handy so we can reach them whenever we want. Some one has said, "We may be willing to bury the hatchet but we leave the handle out for immediate use".

I'm glad that's not how Jesus forgives us.

B. Heb. 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." He remembers them no more. This is where it gets tough.

Here's the problem: Can you will to forget? No. God is the only being able to do that. Yet, there is a very simple principle here that I want to teach you. That is, while you cannot will to forget technically, you can forget practically. Because you have the indwelling Holy Spirit, you have the power to forgive.

Let me explain what I mean. A while ago I gave you the first half of the Biblical definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the offended restoring the relationship, as though the offense never occurred.

Now lets look at the second half: Biblical forgiveness is never bringing the offense up again - Even to myself.

Here's what we do. We say, "I'll forgive but I won't forget". Do you know what that really means? It means, "I reserve the right to bring it up anytime I need to use it to my benefit".

Is that Biblical forgiveness? No! Genuine forgiveness is possible, and if you say, "I can't forgive", what you really mean is "I won't". Why? Because it’s a choice.

Now, if you refuse to forgive you have another problem. If you won't forgive, then you have to accept the guilt for not restoring the relationship. And unresolved guild leads to all sorts of nasty things like emotional and psychological problems not the least of which is depression.

Guilt must be resolved and forgiveness is God's plan for ridding us of guilt. When I'm confronted with an offense, I must forgive. I must make a conscious decision first to restore the relationship and second, never to bring it up again and that includes to myself. That is I must never allow myself to dwell on it, to turn it over in my mind. Instead I must put it out of my mind.

So how do you do that? Well, you do that by occupying your mind with other things, particularly the Word of God and spiritual service. I get in the Word, and I give my self to serving others.

That works for one very important reason. Because God has so designed our minds that we can't think of two things at once. Try it! You can't do it. So if you are concentrating on serving or meditating on God's Word, it's impossible for you to dwell on an offense.

That's why Paul wrote in Philippians 4, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable‑‑if anything is excellent or praiseworthy‑‑think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me‑‑put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Ok so I can put the thought of an offense out of my mind and I don't have to dwell on it.

But, you might say, "If it comes to my mind, I can choose not to dwell on it, but how can I prevent the thought from popping into my mind in the first place? How do I prevent the first thought?"

That's a great question and there is a great answer. This is what I meant when I said it is possible to forget an offense "practically".

Ok, how does that work? Well first of all understand that one of the reasons those thoughts pop into our minds in the first place is because the devil plants them there.

Satan wants to defeat you with an unforgiving spirit and if he can drag up those old offenses often enough and get you to dwell on them, then he can keep you from growing to maturity in Christ. He doesn’t want you to forgive and forget. So what does he do about it?

Well we know that the devil has the ability to plant thoughts in our minds. John 13:2 "And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him;"

But we have the ability to prevent the implantation of first thoughts by a very special gift from God called prayer. Prayer defeats the devil because it connects you with God. How does it work?

If you are being tempted in a certain area, or if the first thought of an offense that you have made a conscious decision to forgive comes to your mind - immediately and consistently, (every time without fail), go to God in prayer, specifically about the temptation or offense.

Repent, and seek God’s help in dealing with it, and ask God to defeat the devil in this regard. Ask God not to allow Satan to have a victory in this area.

Here's what will happen. When the devil realizes that the only thing he is accomplishing by bringing it up is his own defeat, by driving you to your knees, he will soon cease to bring it up. And you’ll stop having the first thought. That is what it means to forget the offense practically. Try it. It works.

5. I must forgive in order to be forgiven. Mt. 6:14-15. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Someone has put it this way. "An unforgiving spirit is unforgivable". Does that mean if I don't forgive I'll lose my salvation? No. It means I'll lose my victory. I'll lose my fellowship. Forgiveness is a must for a Christian, because it is an issue of obedience. Failure to forgive is sin and will break my own fellowship with God. You cannot have something unforgiven in your life and have and be in fellowship with God. And you cannot have something unforgiven in your life and have Joy and Peace…
Forgiveness is an imperative, a requirement for a Christian, because it's an issue of obedience. We have been commanded to forgive and so failure to forgive is failure to obey, and failure to obey is sin, and sin breaks my fellowship with God. So don’t tell me you are walking in fellowship with God if there is something unforgiven in your life!

But there is also another reason we must forgive. If I fail to forgive, I because I become a prisoner of my own unforgiveness. How? If I don't forgive an offense biblically, that offense is always present. That person or group or offense that I don't forgive is always in my mind.

It follows me around. It haunts me. It keeps me from sleeping soundly. It keeps me from serving effectively. It really becomes and Idol because it becomes the focus of my life. It controls my emotions. I try to put it out of my mind, and it comes up in my stomach as an ulcer, and I become the one who suffers because of my unforgiving spirit rather than the one I refuse to forgive.

Biblical forgiveness is a major ingredient in the foundation of a Christian home as well as the Church, and the individual Christian life.

The enjoyment of the Christian life, the employment of genuine communication, the expression of Christian unity can never exist unless Biblical forgiveness is present.

Now let me ask you a question. Is there someone who you need to forgive?.... Are you willing to forgive that person, or that offense? Then right now in you heart, silently with only God listening will you make that decision to forgive that offense?

Just in your heart right now pray with me, "Father right now with your help I make a conscious decision to forgive ____________.

By your Grace I will take steps to restore that broken relationship. And further I promise to never bring it up again to anyone else or even to myself. And when the first thought comes I will take it immediately to you so that you can give me victory over it and I will, enabled by your Holy Spirit, forget it. Amen.”

Now if you did that and you really meant it and you follow through with it, (And remember that following through, is often going to mean going to that person and initiating that restoration. It may mean you going to someone and asking to be forgiven.), but if you do that, then you have begun a new phase in your Christian life that will set you free from anger and bitterness and resentment.

Remember we said in the beginning of this message that genuine forgiveness is possible only within a Christian context. Because only believer have experienced genuine forgiveness.

And maybe you find it impossible to forgive. Is it possible that it's because you have never been forgiven....?